mentally fucked

you see things in a different perspective once you get older. you've been living with your disease for so long that you just have always felt different. your friends go out. They party.  They drink. they smoke. they do the typical things your supposed to do as a teenager. and then there's you. you'd rather sit home and watch tv. You would rather be alone and regret it and go out in fear of having an anxiety attack or an emotional break down in front of people. You know there's no point in going to a party because you're just gonna be standing in the corner by yourself because you can't build the courage to talk to people you don't know. you can't be around more than 3-5 people without feeling as if everyone of them are judging you just because you're judging yourself so hard. You want to blame your friends for not inviting you but you're the one that tells them time and time again that there's just to point. you want to be included but you end up always feeling excluded. you're not alone in that feeling. you may be alone in the sense that you're not out partying but I promise you're not alone because there's at least a handful of people sitting in their bed crying for the same reason. I promise you here & now that you are strong. You will go out one day. You will be able to party, go to clubs, and you will be able to live without the fear. ONE DAY you will.