A letter to you in Heaven.

I just want to break down. I just want to curl in a ball and cry until I can't breath. But I refuse to do so. I will walk around with a smile on my face not for me but for you. I will wake up every morning looking forward to the day and feeling blessed for you. Because you didn't get one more morning. You didn't get one more time to say I love you. I'll do that for you. You didn't another chance to look at those in your life and bless them with your contagious smile so I'll do my best to do it justice. I have to go to your funeral, it's going to be so hard. I have to look all of my friend and your family in the face as I tell them "I'm so sorry" because it's the first thing that comes to mind when you're paying your respects. I have to hold back so many tears in fear of looking weak while trying to keep everyone else sting. But I promise to do it. You got taken from us. You were here a month ago and now I have to go to a headstone to be with you. It's not the same. It will never be the same, but I will do it. I will come see you every time I am home. Because I love you. Because you are special to my life. Because I want you to be just as proud of me while your in heaven as you were when you were here. I love you. I miss you more than words can describe. I know you're well taken care of and not in pain. I'm going to stay strong. I'm going to push on. For you. For you I will be the rock for everyone else. Until I see you again.